i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize