i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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