Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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