if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
