We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
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I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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