Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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