i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
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Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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