Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
