There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
