I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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