it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
