I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
