I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
