I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
