I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
