So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
