Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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