I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
