RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
