Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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