Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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