My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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