if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
