i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
only if we run a train.
done.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
