Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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