Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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