she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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