I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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