maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
