my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
