At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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