your thong is hanging out like whoa
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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