There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
