Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
