So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
