I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
