you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
