i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
