she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
