I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
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How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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