so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
