he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
