I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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