cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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