this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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