It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
