My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
