I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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