I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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