How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Its about making memories worth repressing
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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