big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
