WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
