Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
40s are totally the cure
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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