Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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