Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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