dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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