You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
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DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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