I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
i think my cat just said my name.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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