My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
