I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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