What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
