hotel room ftw
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
