Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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