Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
