I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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