i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
