Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
