If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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