M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize