I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
