You smell like a Billy Joel song
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
two words: eviction party
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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