Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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