best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
