Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
