if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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