Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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