I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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