I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
